the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
