Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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