If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My dick has a subreddit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
