they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
