i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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