Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
