Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
