Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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