thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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