Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
