Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I AM VODKA MAN
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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