I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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