I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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