it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
