I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize