OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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