Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
