we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
