just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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