man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
