my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle