im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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