I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
high people should be assigned attendants
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
