Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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