Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.

Fav 14 1412 1401
share tweet
(586): View more from Michigan

I wish my penis had an off switch

Fav 5 1039 1152
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(401): View more from Rhode Island

You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.

Fav 28 3540 1177
share tweet
(785): View more from Kansas

if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.

Fav 31 1157 5037
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(704): View more from North Carolina

First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.

Fav 16 5202 1217
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

(1-225): View more from Louisiana

whats a bus flip?

(225): View more from Louisiana

idk but apparently i invented it

Fav 23 10140 1396
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(415): View more from California

It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.

Fav 9 2301 1150
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(623): View more from Arizona

There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.

Fav 2 1183 551
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(501): View more from Arkansas

I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.

Fav 0 38 18
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT