I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia