he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.