Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?