I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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