Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
