it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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