Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
