i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
