Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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