I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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