I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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