she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
