I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
