If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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