i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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