just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
