god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
