This is not my ceiling
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
