I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
