You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
