Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
