Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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