Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
