Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
