i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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