Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
