3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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