In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
