No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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