dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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