maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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