VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
