There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
