My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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