Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
