i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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