false alarm. still invincible.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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