his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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