Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
