Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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