i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
