Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
