i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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