Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
