Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
