If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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