i just google imaged poop.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
