fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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