btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
