So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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