Having a random hookup so left but love u
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
