i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
