Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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