I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
