i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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