bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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