She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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