Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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