My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
