I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
