So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
