And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
