So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
