So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
