I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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