he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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