discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
