I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
