Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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