There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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